Welcome to the 9 days

I just saw this video and was completely devastated by it. Seeing adults and children alike, in a complete state of shock from rockets destroying their home, shook me. The only positive aspect was that the US is 100% behind us...B"H! But knowing the devastating impact this will have on their lives...forever...is frightening. I wince in pain, wishing every minute I was there holding their hands and whispering in their ears words of encouragement...Israel will prevail!

This is the saddest time of year for Jews, a time where suffering is rampant. Maybe this video was necessary for me in that this might be one of the few times I will ever feel the actual churban habyis. I actually feel galus. I'm not so sure that I like it....

I try to realize during the day that indeed we are being attacked and that even though I'm in my office or home, safe and sound, our nation in Eretz Yisroel is suffering terribly. May Hashem have mercy on their precious souls.

Where did I go?

I've been SO busy, between work and what not that I haven't had a minute or rather the strength to sit down and write but there is so much I want to say!! Anyway, for now it will have to wait but I'll post some food for thought.

As far as jobs are concerned, I have many friends working in various different fields with different bosses and different standards. I'm lucky. I work in a Jewish organization, so most of the issues that others encounter don't come up at all. My question is: When do you tell your boss, no my religon comes first? or when do you suck it up and say, I don't have a choice. Either one is hard. Especially in the secular world in which we live, it's like shooting an arrow in the dark. Who knows if your supervisor/boss/colleague is going to take what you do and say as you just being different or as a rebel to society and therefore unworthy for you to be working with them.

looking forward to hearing other people and their oppinions and situations they found themselves in.

Israel video

I saw this video and I started crying.

Maybe it's because the tune is to that of aicha. Maybe it was the pictures of people in dire anguish. Maybe I'm just scared...

TAG! You're it!

So I was tagged by Sara!

So what did I have to break my fast -- A tall glass of cold OJ, and mac and cheese :-) -- It was good stuff!

I tag DYS, Mata Hari, and FromSC2NY (in my comments)

Have a GREAT day all!

Israel Under Siege

I sit here writing this with tears in my eyes. I'm scared of what the future will bring for our beautiful and holy country. I watch the news with such intensity and trepidation. Every time there are casualties on the Israeli side, I think about the families and friends who are suddenly thrown into endless turmoil, with their only comfort that their son/daughter/mother/father/aunt/uncle/friend etc... died on behalf of the state of Israel. They died defending Torah, Yiddishkeit and the state of Israel.

When I returned from my year in seminary, I walked along the streets of New York feeling completely displaced. I felt like a stranger in the land that I grew up in. Slowly that displacement faded but it came back every time I returned to Israel. Yet, those feelings continue to fade. This past week, since the situation has escalated, I walk along those same streets and I feel this complete void, this displacement, this feeling of not belonging.

I know where I should be...in Israel alongside our brethren fighting for our land (maybe not necessarily in the physical sense but certainly in the emotional and spiritual sense). I just can’t help but think, as a friend of mine very well put it...'if mashiach is coming, then I certainly don't want to be here!’ I want to be there so badly...I know many of you are thinking...'well then, just go!’ I can't. I have responsibilities and what not. I wish I could be there with all my heart etc...But it's just not the right time now. Believe me when I tell you, I’ve thought about it.

I daven that we win our war and that all will return to normal -- whatever that means in the middle east. To Israel: I wish I were standing there in Israel with you, in your time of need. I’m certainly there in spirit but I just feel like it’s not enough. I pray that Hashem bring us peace or mashiach ASAP!

The Hurdle

It's summer time again (wait, I think I pointed that out in a post before) anyway, for me it's a time of change and growth. Time to refocus on the year. Tisha B'av is coming, and soon after Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. I try to get ready. You know, polish myself so that maybe this year Hashem will answer my prayers. It's the time of year I like to take on new chumros or be more stringent on different Halachos or just do something that will remind me of who I am. This all started, way back when I was in seminary, when I came back to America and was uncomfortable with a certain situation. I thought that I would not be able to stay strong. So I took on an added stringency and well, it worked! I was constantly reminded of my place and worked hard to maintain it. Every year, subsequent to that I took on something new. I wanted to take on new levels of yiddishkeit to keep it fresh and new. So, I would feel motivated and not keep everything going at auto-pilot. I'll give the list of my past chumros:

Year #1 -- no more slits
Year #2 -- not exposing my leg (ie tights)
Year #3 -- being makpid on my skirts covering my knees, when standing AND sitting
Year #4 -- being sure to go to shul EVERY shabbos
Year #5 -- Wearing collared shirts at all times

Each one was SO hard. I remember starting and thinking, ‘ya right, I won’t be able to stick to it’. I was sure I was going to fail but somehow I made it through. I won’t give you the illusion that I’m perfect in every area but I try and continue to try to do my best.

Most of these deal with added levels of tznius and most are pretty normal stringencies (aside from the collared shirts...if you would like to know why I chose that, then comment on it and I will write). But most are pretty standard for girls in my framework.

I sit here contemplating what am I going to take on this year. I'm thinking about cutting all my shopping expenses. Yes, that's not buying a single article of clothing unless I absolutely need it. But I don't know if that's necessarily something that will remind me of who I am and keep my commitment to Yiddishkeit strong and unwavering but it's DEFINITELY something I need to work on. Believe me, I have more then enough for one single human being, so it's definitely time to work on that but I need something more motivating, inspiring, changing...you get my point.

I'm going to pose the question to one of my rebbeim, but maybe some bloggers out there can provide some insight. Thanx!

How to Stay Safe in the World Today

Thought I should share some humor, although it's a tremendous mussar haskel!

1. Avoid riding in automobiles because they are responsible for 20 percent
of all fatal accidents.

2. Do not stay at home because 17 percent of all accidents occur in the
home. (that's 37 % already)

3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14 percent of all accidents
occur to pedestrians. (now that's 51%)

4. Avoid travelling by air, rail, or water because 16 percent of all
accidents involve these forms! of transportation. (that's 67%)

5. Of the remaining 33 percent, 32 percent of all deaths occur in hospitals.
Above all else avoid hospitals.

You will be pleased to learn that only 0.01 percent of all deaths occur in a
synagogue, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders.

Therefore logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given
point in time is in Synagogue services. Torah Study is even safer. The
number of deaths during Torah Study is too small to register.

For safety's sake, stay alive, go to Shul as often as possible, and attend
Torah Study.

Shabbos!

I had one of the most beautiful shabboses this week. I spent it with a VERY special family (who shall remain nameless, of course ;-)). The beauty that emanates from their home can only be compared to the beauty that emanates from Yerushalayim. I go to their home quite often (maybe I'm getting a little annoying ;-)). I love the smell of the chicken soup and the rest of the delicious food heating up on the blech. The beautiful sounds of the zemiros of all the bochrim singing together with the head of the household. The inspiring divrei Torah that spill forth, like a spring of water. For the woman, there are wonderful conversations about life, its meaning and our goals. Every time I go, I leave inspired and ready to tackle life. My batteries are recharged and I feel as if I could handle anything, including my crazy boss (who no longer is my boss, B"H!!). I've met an array of interesting individuals all who like me, gravitate to their home. This week was the last shabbos of the year. I am saddened that I will have to wait almost two months to experience it again. I wish them all well on each of their amazing summer plans. I know that they will be an inspiring force to all that meet them. Thank you for being my second family! Have a GREAT summer!