Post Yom Kippur Thoughts

I’ve had a number of thoughts in the past few days and I think I’m going to mention them in short:

Change is such a hard thing to do. I personally try to start every day new and fresh and attempt to overcome something that I have probably been thinking about for quite some time. I generally fail and wish I wouldn’t but I manage to do it…I heard a beautiful mashal over yom kippur; an older man asked a child to take a package for him to Israel. The child said it wouldn’t be a problem. The old man asked him a number of times more to confirm that the child wouldn’t forget. Well, you guessed it; the child did forget the package. We leave Yom Kippur every year saying we’re going to change our lives to better serve Hashem but every year we forget our ‘package’ and don’t change. How are we going to insure that this year, we will not forget? That every day we will remind ourselves that our lives on this earth are for no one, other than Hashem? Maybe and hopefully this year will be different.

I often wonder if I’ve made some terrible mistake. Just 6 months shy of my 26th birthday, I somehow have this feeling that I’ve missed my bashert. I think about the people in the past that have liked me and I somehow wonder, if maybe I’ve missed the boat. Yet, I think of those people and say to myself, I could NEVER have lived with them for the rest of my life. Certainly not as a marriage partner but then I can’t help but think, well maybe there is something about them that I don’t know, maybe I should give it a try. I don’t know what the right thing is…but I know that I’m getting older. It’s scary. I see all the girls and boys older than me and I wonder what and where did we all go wrong. I look at all these wonderfully educated and successful individuals and I just don’t understand. I daven that every one of them find their special someone this year!! And I hope that this year, Hashem will answer my tefillos and this year will be my turn…

This sukkos is my nephew’s bar mitzvah and my niece’s bat mitzvah. My entire family came in for the occasion, including my holy brother from Israel with his 7 beautiful children. Every time I spend time with them, I see how wrong my life here in America is. I see how fulfilled and happy their lives are in Israel and the excitement of seeing something as simple as a bridge (!!!) can really make them so happy. The way they run to do mitzvos and help you whenever you need it and are sad when you go away, is something you don’t see in children very often. The innocence they possess is something so beautiful that I think children in America really lack. You can’t blame them; after all they live in this HUGE crazy world filled with things even adults shouldn’t know about, while children in Israel lead a much more sheltered and spiritual life. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. All I do know is that America is just too much…

I started social work school about 2 weeks ago and so far I’m really enjoying it. I don’t know where this will all bring me, but I’m thrilled that I started something. Maybe I will become a social worker but you never know. I think on a whole it is an important skill to posses. More importantly, I finally started a graduate program (it’s about time!) and I’m happy with it. It’s definitely demanding but I’m sure it will be worth it in the end.

These are all the issues I can think of for now…. I’m sorry for not having written in so long but I’ve really been crazy busy with school and work and life but I will try to keep you all posted with more of my thoughts. Hope you all had a meaningful Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur and this year should be a year filled with complete dedication to Hakodosh Baruch Hu and we should merit to see the building of the Beis Hamikdash speedily in our days. Next year...Yerushlayaim!!!!!