...Middos Alert...Middos Alert...

Sorry it's been a few days since I last blogged. Work has been INSANE...literally! but B"H all is well and life is somewhat back to normal except...I'm moving again... Did I ever mention that if you live with me guaranteed you'll be married? Ya, works on everyone but me, of course!

Anyway, on to the above topic; What brought me to this topic was a number of events, some positive, others negative, that have taken place in the past week. With that, I'll tell you a bit about them and more! So here goes!

1. A Rabbi had asked me to get him tickets to a concert I was going to. Now, you may ask why would a Rabbi bother with such a thing? No, it wasn't even a family outing. He wanted to take a disabled person (like he does every year) to enjoy the concert he waits all year for. I've secretly known about this chessed that this Rabbi does for about a year already but somehow it has completely slipped my mind. This year, when he asked me for the tickets, it just amazed me how someone who has SO much to do and is so busy, takes time out of his day to day activity, simply to make another soul happy. It made me realize so much, how a small act of kindness really does go a long way and how we should constantly be making efforts to do kind things for one another. You never know how much you are impacting their lives

2. At the concert, I watched my favorite singer. Not only was he incredible because of his beautiful voice and amazing talent but simply, his middos, completely shine through at EVERY show he does. He's always dancing with the disabled kids, letting them sing with him on stage etc... He never acts in the stand-offish type of manner making the other feel useless and like a nothing. He makes EVERYONE feel like a person. It's always tremendous watching him and I appreciate so much of what it means to be a kind and giving person, even when you’re rich and famous.

3. On a slightly more depressing note...In the past couple of weeks, I've had a number of shaddchans basically tell me that because I'm not a size 2, I should be honored when a guy says yes to me, no matter what's wrong with him. First off, I think that's ridiculous....so he's a murderer, I should marry him...because well, he's so kind, that he's willing to get over the fact that I'm not a supermodel. UCHHHH!!! Second, I really wonder how these shaddchans have enough chutzpah to tell someone that they are heavy. First of all, just to clarify, I'm not heavy; I'm just not a size 2, anorexic, JAP. I'm just regular. I care about my weight and what not for myself and certainly not for the sake of shidduchim. But I really wonder how someone could have the heart to tell someone to their face that they just aren't good looking enough to make the cut. Do they not think that this is hurtful!? AT ALL!? Even a little bit!? I mean, please! I hear that they are trying to help you, but insulting someone in the process is not exactly the way to go. Shidduchim should be l'shem shamayim, not l'shem making another shidduch to put on your trophy wall. B"H I'm a strong person and I let these things slide but I think of all the other people I'm sure these shaddchans make these same statements to, and I simply wonder...are you for real?

4. In continuation of the last point, I HATE that these shaddchans make you feel like you (the female) should be honored to go out with him (the male)...You know...I'm a good person too. Just because I'm not male and don't run the show, doesn't make me any less of a good person. I too work hard in trying to be the best Jew possible. And you know what? That’s hard work! As time goes on, I become more and more sickened by the shidduch process. I'm disgusted that people at the age of 24-25 are desperate, not so much only from themselves but because everyone around them is telling them so. Why can't people have Emunah that we will marry the right one at the right time?

As I lit and watched the Chanukah lights burned this year, I was nostalgic that I wasn't with my family. I miss the joy of being together, eating potato latkes, opening gifts and really just being together. But as I watched the glow of the light, I hoped that maybe people would be thinking about what Yiddishkeit is all about. We light in the window so that passersby should see us celebrating a great miracle. I silently davened for mashiach tziddkanu to clear up all that clouds our lives, where we are free to live a true life of Torah, where Jews world wide will act with sincerity, love and kindness…or better yet, plain and simple, home cooked, good middos. Amen!

"Stop Waiting and It'll Happen"

While I was in Israel, my brother told me this line. I've been thinking about it ever since, trying to understand its meaning. How could you possibly stop waiting for something you want so badly? It's like saying forget about the one thing you find most important in your life. Obviously completely forgetting is not the true intention. I'm beginning to think that life should go on without completely focusing on it.

I just realized I didn't exactly explain what I'm talking about...but of course in case you haven't guessed...drum roll please....marriage. Ya, that's right you guessed it....

So, truth is, I guess in a sense I have been waiting for it. (By not going to dental school etc... ) I realize now, I must go. I started studying for my DAT (WHAT?? Yes, I did ok...breath everyone) and I hope with Hashem's help I'll be able to go to dental school but that doesn't make me stop thinking of my future spouse and who he is and where in the world is he.

I really believe that all will happen when Hakadosh Baruch Hu is ready for it to happen. It's hard to completely let go and say...this is completely not in my hands. As humans, we think that meeting one more shaddchan, and doing this that and the other will bring me closer to meeting my bashert.

The only thing that leaves me in question is...what about all those people who don't get married? Obviously that is all determined by Hashem...but I thought everyone's bashert exists...is it true we can really miss it? What happens if someone else is married to them? These questions constantly swim around my head simply wondering what will be.

I know it will all be ok, but it's so hard...I feel badly for myself and my friends waiting so patiently for this all to come to an end, when we will finally be able to meet the one, to finally be able to create a home filled with Torah.

I was in Lakewood for shabbos and I saw how beautiful life is there. Their whole lives are nothing but Torah. I'm so ready to give it all up for that...I really am...I'm just waiting for the right time.

I Have Returned....

So, I'm back...It's weird...I miss Israel...Where to start?

It was an incredible trip. If felt so good to be out of NY, I cannot even tell you! I spent time with my brother and sister in law, their kids (6 nieces and 1 nephew) and my mother. I went to Chevron, Kever Rocehl, Teveria, Tzfat, Amuka, Meiron etc... I davened at the kotel almost daily, I caught up with some teachers, rebbeim, and friends. I was able to go to a friends' wedding. And most importantly, I had the chance to simply walk the streets of Yerushlayim, to breathe the air of Eretz Hakodesh.

When we say 'Yerushalyim shel Zahav...' I really felt it. Watching the sun glisten on the Jeruslem Stones really made the city look golden. I look around NYC and it's dreary, black and depressing. I find myself asking...what am I doing here?! but I know it's time to get back to work etc... and when the time comes I'll be back there, for good IY"H.

I davened for everything...For the refuah of people close to me, for shidduchim of some wonderful people who want more than anything to be married, for myself that I should have the strength to be the best eved Hashem possible, and of course for Mashiach Tzidkanu.

My brother took on a new endeavor of making tefillin (yes, the actual batim) Besides the fact that I was in awe of his beautiful work, I was more in awe of the fact that his work was completely l'shem shamyim. I watched him almost every day and it was incredible. I hope Hashem allows him to succeed.

I'm so happy I had the chance to get that battery recharge I so badly needed. L'shana Haba B'yerushlayim!!!