Closure

I know I haven't blogged in some time but I've been SO busy between school and work, that who has time to even breathe, let alone blog?

I figured I would update you all on the closing of a chapter in my life. Interestingly enough, it's channuka; the time that every year, something goes wrong with some relationship of mine. Well, may this year be no different!

Remember that guy that I really liked? The one where we went through all that drama with? Well get this, I finally found out why he didn't like me. He didn't think I was pretty enough....

Now that's totally fine and he is 100% entitled to his opinion but 5 years!!!!! I can't believe I made myself so sick over a guy who I thought was so great and really he's just like the rest of them! I cried so much today. I'm hurt but I know that this is one step closer to FINALLY getting over him. He's a great guy and all but if he can't look past the outer layer, well then he's just not right for me. Granted I'm not the skinniest or the most beautiful but I'm certainly no ogre and I'm comfortable enough in that my real bashert will not see my lack of miss Americaness as a fault.

I'm also so upset because while this guy thought he was doing a good thing and hiding the real reason for why he decided not to continue, he was only hurting me more and more. This is the prime example where people just simply don't realize their consequences and even though what they think they are doing is ultimately for the good, what they are really doing is a terrible disservice.

The only thing now, is that I feel a sense of hopelessness. I really sort of had this false hope that he was really the one and it was all a matter of time. I guess it's really what kept me going for so long but now that there's no one...I don't even know what to think.

I feel terribly for my parents. It pains them so much and I don't even know what to do about it. I wish I could change it. I really do but really this is all in Hashem's hands. I'm completely powerless.

I just daven that Hashem hear my tefillos and may this year be the year.