Feeling Ugly

I just dated a guy recently who decided to inform me that I was overweight. I started crying on the phone. I know I'm not a toothpick, nor that I am beautiful but the idea of someone telling me that is just unbearable. And after all that he STILL wanted to date me...

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time a guy has decided to inform me about my lack of attractivness...to my face... but I have yet to understand why they are still interested in dating me! I mean if they liked me that much, wouldn't they understand that something like that would hurt me!?!?!

I happen to be on a diet for my own personal well being, but it makes me wonder about what people really view as important in marriage. It's so hard and I can't help but wonder if in fact it is true that this is what is preventing me from finding my one true bashert...

Israel

Wow, it's been a while since I've last blogged...but we're back!

So I've been hearing about everyone's trips to Israel and I'm just waiting for my job to wake up and tell me when I'm going. But in reality, I'm so scared...I'm scraed of what I'm gonna feel and more importantly I'm almost certain I'm not going to want to come 'home'. I know most people wouldn't expect this from me -- as I'm not your typical flipped out seminary girl -- but I haven't lost those feelings from way back.

I literally dream about Israel in all it's holiness and glory and wonder why I'm not there or wonder if I will ever be there. Interesting, I won't limit myself to dating only aliyah minded guys. Quite the contrary, in fact! But my dreams always linger to Israel. Maybe one day it will become a reality...

Decisions, Decisions....

I have been contemplating for quite some time now what it is I want to do with my life. I had originally planned to go to dental school but as of late, the profession is not singing to my heart. Here are the top five choices (in no particular order), what do you think?

1. Speech Therapy
2. Social Work
3. Law School
4. Dental School
5. Psychology

Now for the pro's and con's of each:

1. Speech Therapy -- Great job for a mother. Flexibility to support a family especially if husband ends up learning full time. Very people oriented, and the ability to change someones life.
2. Social Work -- Horrible pay. Great job for a mother and VERY people oriented.
3. Law School -- Good job, good pay. Terrible hours until you make it big. People oriented but can become very unethical.
4. Dental School -- Good job, good pay. Good hours but in order to do anything to really give someone a life change there are many many years of school (7!!!!)
5. Psychology -- Good job, good pay, good hours. MANY years of school in order to get your PhD. Can be very emotionally taxing but deffinitely hands on in changing peoples lives.

OYYYY...the choices.....

Ethical Dilemma

I was having a perfectly enjoyable Friday night meal at some friends. Nice company, nice food (wait, I'm on my pscyho diet....so I didn't eat any of it...but it sure looked good!) great divrei Torah etc... Until, I was informed that everyone had decided to go to a singles event (mind you, there were 4 people aside from me at the meal. You do the math -- 4 people makes how many couples? Only one was married, but still...) where someone organized a chulent contest including 13 different types of chulent. I was about to go with them even though alarm bells were going off in my head to not go. I was so close, literally 10 ft away, when I decided...no, I was not going to give in. So instead, I said good bye to my friends' and parted ways.

Some of you may wonder: "Hey you'r single, why in the world would you avoid a singles event??" Well to tell you all the truth, I would have loved to go to hang out with people I probably have not seen in a while but all at the same time, I have this voice in the back of my head telling me that if I'm looking for a specific type of guy then I should act in a manner deserving of him.

The types of guys I date and am interested in are the guys who are sitting in the beis medrash late at night learning, not going to chulent parties. Maybe I'm wrong and I shouldn't care but I unfortunately we live in a world where everyone is watching you and how you act. For better or for worse, I'm pretty well known, so I have more to fear than your average person. So, I have to be careful.

Also, I can't stand being hypocritical that if I were to say watch movies but expect a potnetial mate not to.... well to me...that's just wrong.

Love at First Sight?

Do YOU believe in love at first sight?

I think anything is possible, but at the end of the day, how can you know a person's total being from just laying eyes on them???

I would love to hear people's oppinions on this matter!

Yeshivish: To be or not be, that is the question!

I often get into long winded conversations (most of them, unwantingly so) about what it means to be Yeshivish. Unlike most people in my circle, I have grown up with a strong 'yeshivish' background. Where my brothers attended 'black hat' yeshivas, where Torah was the primary focus and all secular studies took a back seat. I on the other hand attended an all girls school where Torah and Secular studies weighed the same. So naturally my brothers and I developed different minsets and goals. No, we are not worlds apart but certainly different. For one example, I am driven towards my secular education, whereas they are not at all.

I just have a good definition of what it means to be yeshivsh. I believe that it means someone who has a view that Torah is the most important thing in the world and that our lives are guided through it, someone who views Daas Torah as a determinig factor for different complications that come up in life, and someone who associates himself with a communtiy/yeshiva with those values.

I'm more curious to hear other people's definitions and what they think it means to be yeshivish.