"Stop Waiting and It'll Happen"

While I was in Israel, my brother told me this line. I've been thinking about it ever since, trying to understand its meaning. How could you possibly stop waiting for something you want so badly? It's like saying forget about the one thing you find most important in your life. Obviously completely forgetting is not the true intention. I'm beginning to think that life should go on without completely focusing on it.

I just realized I didn't exactly explain what I'm talking about...but of course in case you haven't guessed...drum roll please....marriage. Ya, that's right you guessed it....

So, truth is, I guess in a sense I have been waiting for it. (By not going to dental school etc... ) I realize now, I must go. I started studying for my DAT (WHAT?? Yes, I did ok...breath everyone) and I hope with Hashem's help I'll be able to go to dental school but that doesn't make me stop thinking of my future spouse and who he is and where in the world is he.

I really believe that all will happen when Hakadosh Baruch Hu is ready for it to happen. It's hard to completely let go and say...this is completely not in my hands. As humans, we think that meeting one more shaddchan, and doing this that and the other will bring me closer to meeting my bashert.

The only thing that leaves me in question is...what about all those people who don't get married? Obviously that is all determined by Hashem...but I thought everyone's bashert exists...is it true we can really miss it? What happens if someone else is married to them? These questions constantly swim around my head simply wondering what will be.

I know it will all be ok, but it's so hard...I feel badly for myself and my friends waiting so patiently for this all to come to an end, when we will finally be able to meet the one, to finally be able to create a home filled with Torah.

I was in Lakewood for shabbos and I saw how beautiful life is there. Their whole lives are nothing but Torah. I'm so ready to give it all up for that...I really am...I'm just waiting for the right time.