Mazal Tov!!

I guess I wasn't kidding when I said my life was out of control busy...hence the absence from blogging for about a month....I'm so sorry dear readers for the long absence.

First things first, I would like to give a big shout out to one of my readers who just got engaged... MAZAL TOV!!! I davened for this day to come for quite some time now and I'm so happy that it happened and it's here! You're a special person and the wonderful boy you are about to marry should know how lucky he is...besides, if he has any questions you can always refer him to me ;-)

One thing I learnt from meeting my friend's future spouse, something I always knew in the back of my mind, a piece of advice that I often tell others and probably never really understood. "The boy that you will one day marry, may be very different than what you imagined him to be". My friend had dated basically two types of guys (no, I didn't go on the dates with her) and her now chosson is like neither!

It makes me wonder about what I'm looking for. Maybe I'm looking for something totally different...who knows? The one thing she pointed out that attracted her to her chosson was his sincerity towards yiddishkeit. To him (and her!) it's not about fitting in. It's just about being frum and nothing more. It makes me look at myself and say...why do I bother trying so hard to 'fit in' with a certain community? As of late, I've been trying to stop the mode of thinking 'well, what will the others' think?’ I've been trying to say to myself, ‘who cares? This is me...take it or leave it!’ Each person is unique, I am no different (no pun intended).

On a separate topic...I feel like I'm annoying people more than usual these days. This one doesn't like this about me, that one doesn't like this etc... I try hard to please people, probably a big downfall to myself but I do. All too often I find myself trying to hard. So someone doesn't like me...get over it! But more importantly, there are those that like me but they can't handle certain traits I may possess. For instance my sarcasm, constant kidding around (yes, I can be serious when necessary) etc... I just feel like telling people, if you don't like it, than don't be friends with me but this is me. Maybe I'm crazy...ok, fine I am but it's just what I feel.

I can see why that mode of thought is a bit selfish but I don’t see myself being critical of others. Each person is different and if I don’t enjoy that person’s company than I won’t be with them. I just can’t handle people wanting to hang out with me and then spend the whole time criticizing me. It doesn’t do well for the ego. I’m not an egotistical person, but I also have feelings. Often times the criticism is not done in private. It’s done publicly with everyone listening, ganging up and agreeing. If you have some beef with me, pull me aside and we’ll talk. I’ll explain you me and maybe you’ll understand why I may act in a certain way and if there is no reason and I’m annoying you, let me know and I will do my best to act differently. Just don’t play the eggshell game with me…

As far as the apartment search is going....it's coming. Right now I'm living by a wonderful family, who are literally taking care of my every need, which I am SOOOO thankful for. I miss living at home, where I had my mother to take care of me. Living on one's own is tough...I never appreciated the difference till now. It really takes away so much stress from the day. So, again THANK YOU! for your chessed!

I hope to blog again in the much nearer future. So much on my mind and no time....I hope I won't give you this month hiatus again. Till the next time...