Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm just THAT much better than you!

This past weekend was my nephews Bar Mitzvah. It really was a beautiful simcha. With most of my family together, it really made the entire event so special. I missed the ones that weren't there but such is life and we hope to see them at the next one.

My sister lives in a certain yeshivish community. Over the weekend, I noticed something interesting; People often try to push their own sensitivities on you. Why is that? One of my brothers, far more charedi than anyone any of you have probably met, never acts in that manner. He accepts everyone for who they are, and teaches simply by example. Other's say 'well, you know you shouldn't be doing that'. No offense, but who are you!? You're not g-d and you're not holier than thou'.

My theory on this whole issue is that the people that attempt at pushing their sensitivies on you, are not comfortable with who THEY are. If you're not comfortable with your own level, you feel the need to get the 'one up' on someone.

I'm not perfect in this area, and sometimes, I may tell people, 'well, I do this...' but I certainly make effort not to discuss my religous preferences with those I think may not understand. Why make people feel bad? People have the ability to make their own choices. You're not anyone else's mashgiach but you're own.

4 Comments:

Blogger Lost said...

E/o in the Jewish community judges. Pp are expected to fit a certain mold of yiddishkeit and will be preached to and/or looked down upon if they look/ act/or live differently.
Those that have perfected the art of being kind, frum and accepting, are truly maalachim.There's a really fine line between helpful criticsm and hurtful condescending remarks.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your so straight.....
(hence my admiration)

10:54 PM  
Blogger WillWorkForFood said...

Don't overlook that sometimes they are doing it out of pure intent and goodwill, i.e., l'sheim shamayim. For example, I have had basic halachos explained to me when learning in a yeshivish beis midrash simply because I was not dressed like the rest. While I may have felt like I was being talked down to, their institution does attract ba'alei t'shuvah at times (to whom basic halachos need to be explained) and seeing as I was not in the "proper" attire, it was easy to mistake me for a ba'al t'shuvah. I definitely agree that many times their zealotry is misplaced when it is at the fore, and all the more so when it is in your face, and that many times they don't think that I'm a ba'al t'shuvah but think that I am ignorant of halachah etc. simply because I look different. But it is especially in situations like this that we need to dan l'kaf z'chus; internecine embitterment is not d'racheha darchei no'am, no matter who started it.
In fact, I think that sometimes it is we who need to take the mussar haskeil: why do WE become so offended when something like this occurs, could it be because we are not comfortable with OUR own level?

3:18 PM  
Blogger Inmymind said...

I hear what you're saying but we live in a time where no one is in a place to give mussar. This person gave me mussar for holding a 3 year old boy who was not related to me. Granted, it was wrong and I'll be honest when I tell you that not touching cute 3 year old boys is SO hard for me. It is...especially when they are even my nephews! But the person started telling me off in front of a large group and as if I was being completely michalel shabbos.

Call me crazy but I think if you're learning in yeshiva, you should be learning the appropriate manner in which to talk to people. It's basic middos. I'm not not comfortable with who I am, especially in this respect (of touching 3 year old boys) and this person should learn how to address people.

1:46 PM  

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