A Tragedy

I'm not exactly sure where to begin with this post. What I'm about to write is going to be so difficult to get out, so it might take some time.

My best friend lost her first child in labor about 4 days ago. I know we hear of many tradgedies, but I feel as I have probably been hit with the worst. I spent the day with her in the hospital, while her husband went home to get some rest after not sleeping for the last few days. Most of the day was fine. Her sisters and parents came by etc.

But when everyone left and we were alone and had girlfriend talk, everything came out. We cried together for almost three hours. Crying about the dreams that have been completely shattered, literally, right out of her arms. She told me how she held the baby after he had died and all she wanted to do was to hold onto him forever. How all she wants is to be a mother.

This put everything in my life into perspective. I can't imagine complaining about petty things, after being involved with a tradgedy like this. Dating is hard? ok maybe. I dream of a life together with somene etc...Losing a child is having all those same dreams, taken away from you, forever.

I thank Hashem she has an incredible husband and family who are all there for her. I thank Hashem for blessing me with such special people in my life. My friend continued to cry and told me how badly she didn't want to be jealous of other people's children and babies. She really just wanted her own. She doesn't want to go around thinking, "why them and not me?". I found it so amazing that in the midst of her own tradgedy, she was able to be focused and sensitive to others.

I was lucky enough to spend shabbos with wonderful families. One who I go to on a pretty much regular basis. They gave me the ability to snap back into reality and focus on the kedusha of shabbos. Something that usually comes more easily, where as this week it was a bit harder for me. For this, I thank them. For giving of themselves to me, week after week, an allowing me to share in their awesome experience of shabbos.

For some the story of my friend may seem obvious: This is the way Hashem wanted it. To most, we ask, how could he do this? I wish I was on such a level to say it was a gift from Hashem. Maybe this is his way of testing me, a pretty tough test at that.

I sit here with tears streaming down my face, partaking in my friend's pain. We may never understand Hashem's ways but we can daven that Hashem give her the complete strength to face life.